Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm like, not good at living.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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