the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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