so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
