If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
