Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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