I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You pole danced in your parka.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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