You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
