I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
