i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
