So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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