I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
