everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you would pick up someone in the library
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize