if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
