I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
