at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
