I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
