i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
