Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
