I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Enjoy the penises
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
