The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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