I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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