You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
