If that was your dad, he is hot
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
