Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm really busy with my period
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