God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
