I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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