For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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