24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
