i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
