kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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