why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
