who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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