That's intense
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize