Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
