haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
