My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Your tits are I can't wait for
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
