so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
high people should be assigned attendants
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He has the fingertips of a God
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