just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
