maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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