I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
