he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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