you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't deserve a penis
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i think my cat just said my name.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
