You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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