obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
