You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
