i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
