So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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