One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
