Porn is love you can see.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
