A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
