With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize