I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
