Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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