What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
