piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
