He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
