Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
