To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
