I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
