Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
