i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I checked into jail on foursquare
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
