Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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