I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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