my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
