i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
