I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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