I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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