ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
