Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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