Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sober January is a disaster.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
