my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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